We all negotiate on daily basis. From trying to bargain from items to negotiating to salaries to dealing with a difficult stakeholder. It’s not easy. So how do we deal with such a scenario?
First thing to do is to take a step back and start talking.
Look at the situation with fresh eyes and find that one way (18th camel) to resolve it with humanity and peace. And it is up to us to play a constructive role to resolve the conflict through communication and reconciliation. At times a third hand may need to intervene, to remind us to get to the balcony, cool down a bit and keep your eyes on the price.
Secondly, offer kindness and hospitality when you expect hostility. Find the potential to change the game, but before that, we must change the framework, the way we see things. See hospitality in hostility, see tourism in terrorism for instance (game changer).
Lastly, find a common ground. You may have to approach a stranger from a different culture, different country, different ethnic group, engage with them and listen to them. That is the third side action.
That’s the third side. The third side is each one of us, taking the first step to the world, bringing peace.
This is a very generic guide to negotiation. But it’s a good start.
I don’t know about you. Sometimes my mouth works faster than my brain. That’s not good when you said the wrong thing and regretted it later. It’s like the consequences have already occurred but your brain takes a while to process the damage. As a result, I would be worried if I am going to be judged, treated as rude and worse, lose a friend or an opportunity.
I decided to listen to this ted talk called ‘Think fast, talk smart’ by Matt Abrahams from Stanford Graduate School of Business. He offers several techniques to help us speak spontaneously with greater confidence and clarity.
Spontaneous speaking occurs more often than we thought and it can be more stressful than planned speaking. For instance, they may happen during the following instances:
Before we speak, we need to work on the following:
Emotions under control otherwise audience will not receive your message and they will be uncomfortable in your presence
Greet anxiety: Acknowledge it and its normal to prevent the anxiety from escalating
Reframe the speaking situation as a conversation and not a performance
Start with questions to get audience involved
Use conversational language
Be present oriented instead of being worried about the future
Listen to music or walk around a building or say tongue twisters to warm up or get into the mood
1st Step: Get out of your own way: We want to be perfect in our speeches
Work against your muscle memory to solve problems
Do this by shouting names of random things to see things that we do to prevent us from reacting spontaneously
Dare to be dull instead of striving for greatness for a while and you will reach that greatness
But using greatness as a target can cause you to freeze up, because you tend to overthink
2nd Step: change the way we see our situation we find ourselves in. See it as an opportunity rather than a threat
Be aware of the environment: challenges in the room, cold, emotions, acknowledge the emotions of the audience but don’t name the emotions and reframe the response in a way that makes sense
Rephrase it as it allows you to reframe the response
If audience is remote, engage them to interact, be mindful of them
3rd Step: Approach to a situation/ question: ‘Yes and…’
4th Step: Slow down and listen and respond
Tell a story
Use a structure as it increases processing fluency and keep the audience engaged
I am going to practice these techniques in my attempt to be a more effective communicator and achieve my goals at work, during meetings, hostile situations or even outside, while interacting with loved ones. I hope the summary helps to give you an overview of what it takes to speak spontaneously too.